i know why

If I already know why I feel hurt, and have told someone, and have talked about it, what is the next question?

What do I do with the hurt feelings? Where do I put them? How do I find a way to live with them? How do I stop feeling bad about it?

too much

I am going to visit an old friend in the morning. I hope that helps me. I am really starting to consider what I want to do. I am getting a little better at not spoiling my son...working on it anyway. I have so many questions but feel like I have no one to talk to about most of them. So I struggle and search and try. What is this life all about anyway? It is all a game.

life is life

I feel free to live this life in any way I see fit, and also to live it in ways I do not agree with. I feel free to live, that's all.

symptom

I feel weirdly good about finally realizing that his problem with being stuck on one subject (and he has had this problem for a long time), is a symptom of the illness.

i'm not sure

I'm not sure, but it seems like hunger should be the highest on the list of the government's priorities. Then, next, healthcare for the poor and sick. After that, we can work on the next priorities such as homes and jobs.

hmmm

Ryan will be home tonight. I have hope that having him here, and summer being here, that I will recover some. I feel less depressed lately, probably something to do with warmer weather, and getting some sun. I have also been working hard at keeping busy. I have also been telling myself that this is my life, that I don't want to waste any more of it bogged down in a depressed mood.

Colin is doing somewhat better. I hope he does get better, but I also know I have to keep living my life, too. I don't know for sure, but maybe this is the only one I get.

hope

I want to have hope, and I do have hope that Colin will completely recover from this illness. It is very confusing for me how long the meds. should be continued, if I can trust what the psychiatrist says, if the meds. are toxic for him, and if the meds. will make it less likely for him to recover.

I am scared of giving them to him, and scared of not giving them to him. I don't know what to do at all. There are so many wildly different opinions on this subject. But after what I have been through when Colin was at his worst, I am terrified of that happening again.

What is this illness? Is it a result of trauma, is it a brain chemistry inbalance, is it a reaction to a sick society?

I just want my son to be healthy and happy. I don't care about what kind of job he gets or any of those other so-called measures of success. I just want him to feel peaceful.