doctor visit

We saw Dr. Crandal today. Colin lost 5 pounds since his last visit. He prescribed trazadone to help with sleeping at night.

a quote

I love this passage:

From "Saving Fish From Drowning" by Amy Tan

"A mother is the one who fills your heart in the first place. She teaches you the nature of happiness: what is the right amount, what is too much, and the kind that makes you want more of what is bad for you. A mother helps her baby flex her first feelings of pleasure. She teaches her when to later exercise restraint, or to take squealing joy in recognizing the fluttering leaves of the gingko tree, to sense a quieter but more profound satisfaction in chancing upon an everlasting pine. A mother enables you to realize that there are different levels of beauty, and therein lie the sources of pleasure, some of which are popular and ordinary, and thus of brief value, and others of which are difficult and rare, and hence worth pursuing."

Anniversary

My wedding anniversary is the 18th. I wish we could take a trip but we can't leave Colin right now. Maybe some day but not yet. He has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I need to pick psychiatrist next.

Friday the 13th

This morning lived up to it's reputation. Renter's furnace went out. Met the repairman there (after waiting in the drive-way for almost two hours.

Jaron called concerning a big fight he had with his new wife last night, and said that they are going to break up for sure. I thought things were getting a little better, but then they had another big blow-out last night. I am thinking that they may need to separate with all the fighting that has been going on in front of her little boy. If they don't stop fighting like that, it is bad for a child.

On the brighter side, the heater repair was a fairly simple job, costing only the service call price, thank-you. The people buying our house on Dyson on a land contract have decided that the husband will move out instead, and the wife plans to continue with the payments and the deal. That would be better than trying to evict the husband. I am looking forward to getting pizza and watching the next episode of our box set of the Sopranos with my husband this evening. I am hoping for a quiet, relaxing evening.

i feel like shit. I felt so bad tonight for my son. He was saying some very negative stuff about how he feels, and it makes me feel bad for him.

last night

My son was up late. He woke me at 3 am. He described a delusion of getting into music "too much", saying it happens now in a way he never felt before, and he feels compulsive about music, too. I told him that is not that bad as far as delusions goes, certainly not as bad as it was before he started the medication. He suffers from a great deal of anxiety, and feels the need to be alone a lot. I told him those were common symptoms. He would like to change that by "facing his fears". I warned him about putting too much stress on himself thinking he can force away symptoms of an illness, but maybe try a little at a time. We are going to go for a walk today at a park with our new puppy, get some fresh air and exercise. Last night he said he would do that, would like that. We'll see if I can convince him today that it is still a good idea. He may not even remember that idea. His short-term memory is bad sometimes.

do not read this

No one wants to really know what life is like for me right now. My son has schizophrenia and is suffering, and I am taking care of him. And it sucks. So, do not read this.